70: History's Mysteries pt.1: Mom Jeannes

Grant Thomas
Sep 11, 2024
3 min read

Updated: Jul 21

Want to know more about the badass women of history? Before there was Joan of Arc, there was a Jeanne. Multiple Jeannes. Honestly, maybe too many Jeannes. Enter Jeanne de Clisson, a Breton noble who burned through estates, out-lasted three husbands, and forged a single, razor-sharp goal: annihilating France’s King Philip VI. After watching her third spouse lose his head on a Paris scaffold, Jeanne sold everything, bought a fleet, painted the hulls midnight-black and the sails blood-red, and roamed the Channel as the “Lioness of Brittany,” leaving one terrified survivor to spread her legend. From grieving widow to pirate admiral with her two young sons at her side, she became medieval Europe’s nightmare on crimson canvas. The real history-mystery? How a woman who sank French warships for thirteen years and may have invented the glowing-up, revenge-tour genre still sails beneath most textbooks’ radars. Get on board with this literal killer queen of history, and prepare to reevaluate every high-school lesson that told you women in armor start and end with Joan.

Chapters/Key takeaways to listen for

[00:00:00] Catch-Up
[00:02:07] Adderall Aftermath: Maia’s pharmacy rationing saga and Grant’s $1,000 PrEP sticker shock
[00:14:16] Pudding & Protein Hacks: Meeting Sophie in Kroger, accidental family-size pudding, and Maya’s protein-powder upgrade
[00:24:15] Cucumber Air-Drop: The neighbor yeets fresh produce onto Maia’s balcony mid-recording
[00:29:55] Verbal Jousting Mode: Grant’s teacher energy cranks to 11; Maia tries to lower the “heat”
[00:33:17] Mom Jeannes: Grant sets the medieval stage: Brittany, too many Johns, and why everyone is somebody’s second wife
[00:45:44] Olivier’s Doom: The French king’s tournament trap and the public execution that flips Jean’s switch
[01:05:38] Second-Wife Revenge: Jean liquidates her fortune, raises 400 men, sacks an ally’s castle, and leaves one witness
[01:40:40] Pirate Parenting: Why Jean made her 5- and 7-year-olds study Dad’s spiked head at Nantes
[02:00:48] Raft of Last Resort: Six days adrift; one son lost, one future constable of France survives
[02:06:54] Fourth Time’s the Charm: Jean marries English commander Walter Bentley
[02:15:10] Wrap-Up & Why We Laughed: Banter meltdown, outro mix-ups, and Grant’s eternal oat milk defense

Quotes:

"You either die young or you see yourself become the villain." - Grant Thomas
"Jean painted her ships black with a pitch, and dyed her sails blood red. Jean led the way on her flagship, the name of her flagship. Jean, my revenge" - Grant Thomas

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